


Tastes Like Coffee

by spitecentral



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Gen, Hunk (Voltron)-centric, Platonic VLD Month 2017, Shiro's (still technically non-canon) clone also makes a cameo, it's the coffeeshop AU from hell guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-30
Updated: 2017-10-30
Packaged: 2019-01-26 19:28:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12564532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spitecentral/pseuds/spitecentral
Summary: All Hunk has ever wanted was to live a normal life. Being a technopath who works at the most supernatural café in the word, that is all but impossible. At least Lance is still normal, even if he drinks Pumpkin Spice Lattes a bit too often.Or: AU where everyone is supernatural and works at an even more supernatural café, and neither Lance nor his coffee is what Hunk thinks it is.





	Tastes Like Coffee

**Author's Note:**

> For Platonic VLD Month day 29: Pumpkin Spice.
> 
> Disclaimer: I know absolutely nothing about the Fae or any other magical creature in this. I'm bullshitting. Sorry for the people who actually know their folklore.

It was his first day on the job, and Hunk had almost been killed three times.

First, a wolf-ish monster with fifty or some layers of teeth too many had stormed into the kitchen and tried to bite his head off in retribution for the ‘overcooked’ steak. The steak hadn’t been overcooked, thank you very much, Hunk knew what he was doing. Not that the wolf would listen. Thankfully, Keith had come in right at that moment, and his sword made quick work of the beast, who had to limp out of the café, one paw still regenerating, now blacklisted from The Altean Ship for life.

Not even two hours later, while Hunk was taking his break, a full-on firefight had started on the grounds. Two separate alien groups, one with way too many arms and one with way too many heads, had apparently declared a war on each other. They didn’t care that he was in the middle of their battlefield, ducking behind a very feeble table. Only seconds passed before Allura came running out, seething with anger, and before the aliens knew what had happened, she’d levitated all of them from the property and added them to the blacklist.

And finally, right before closing, a pretty lady had offered him a piece of candy. Her eyes were swirling vortexes and her smile a thousand suns, and Shiro had pulled Hunk away right before his hand closed around the Snicker bar. It landed on the counter instead, which turned to ash immediately. The lady paid for the damages with diamonds she created from her own spit (which, ew), but she still ended up blacklisted.

“Is it always like this?” Hunk asked Lance as they walked out of the café, still shaking and rubbing the hand with which he’d almost caught the Snicker.

“Like what?”

“Slightly… murderous.”

Lance grinned. “Usually it’s a bit more than just ‘slightly’. You like it?”

“No. I hate it. I wanted a normal life, damnit, and this isn’t what I thought you meant when you said that you knew a café I could work in.”

Lance’s smile slipped for maybe a second, before it was wider than ever. “C’mon. Like any other job would hire you. No offense.”

Hunk groaned and contemplated quitting right then and there, but no. He needed the money. And there weren’t many places who would hire a cook who regularly made the stove short-circuit with his unchecked powers, so Lance was right, it wasn’t like he had a choice.

Lance handed him a coffee, and Hunk nearly cried. “Thank you,” he said, breathing in the caffeine. “Just what I needed.”

He drank the pumpkin spice latte, and started talking about making plans for tomorrow. Lance reminded him that he had to go to work tomorrow.

Hunk groaned. “Great. My first day, huh?”

“Nope, your second.”

“Oh my god. I don’t even remember the first day. I must’ve been a zombie.”

He went into work the next day and almost got killed. 

He was going to hate this job.

///

Café The Altean Ship was co-run by Coran and Allura, no last names known. Hunk wasn’t entirely sure they were human, what with their pointy ears, strange markings, and general lack of knowledge about Earth culture, but Lance had warned him not to ask. Apparently their race was a sore subject.

Coran usually took care of the, well, business side of the business, while Allura took care of the social aspects. She was the one who recruited new staff members and charmed the clients, while Coran did the numbers and, if needed, appealed to the interdimensional counsel for protection. Allura usually came along during that last one, though.

Shiro was a waiter, and Allura’s unofficial second-in-command. He had a robot prosthetic, and Hunk didn’t need Lance to warn him not to ask about it, especially not after he’d seen it cut through steel like butter. Shiro was the one that had welcomed Hunk at his first day, and told him to ask any questions he had, as long as he could handle the answers. Which wasn’t ominous at all.

Keith was their security guard. Hunk had wondered what restaurant/café needed a sword-wielding knight to guard them, but after that first day, he understood. Keith was no-nonsense and surprisingly sweet once you got to know him, but admittedly, the glowing sword was off-putting, even in this environment.

Pidge fixed their security system. You would think that that wasn’t a full-time job, but you’d be wrong. The damn thing never seemed to be working. Pidge swore that it did a great job at keeping the major threats out of the restaurant, but Hunk had his doubts. The system just seemed lazy to him. Not that he was going to tell Pidge that.

Still, he liked her. He’d seen her make flowers grow when she walked, but she seemed much more dedicated to technology than nature, the same way Hunk was more dedicated to food than technology, despite being a technopath. He respected that bold disregard for your ‘gifts’, and that desire to live your own life not defined by your supernatural aspects.

Lance was a waiter, and the only member of their team who was a normal human. Hunk wondered how he’d rolled in with this crowd. He’d asked Pidge once, while watching her attempt to fix the security’s laser gun.

Pidge cursed as the laser went off unexpectedly (well, for her. Hunk had gotten out of its way five minutes ago), then snorted at his question.

“Lance was already here when I started working,” she announced, opting for a total system reboot by smacking something needlessly hard with a screwdriver. “So were Keith and Shiro. Ask them.”

Keith shrugged when he asked. “He started working here about a month after me and Shiro. I think Shiro hired him.”

Shiro shook his head, however. “No, I didn’t. Allura is the only one who can hire people. I did make the suggestion, though, after Lance asked me too. I don’t know what he said to make her hire him so fast, but he was in and out of her office before I could blink.”

So, Hunk asked Allura, despite being a bit intimidated by her. He’d never been good with blatant magic powers, and Allura was frightening like that.

She furrowed her eyebrows, concentrating. “I don’t remember,” she finally admitted. “Why don’t you ask him yourself?”

But Lance danced around the subject, winked at him, and gave him a pumpkin spice latte. Shortly after, Hunk forgot what he’d wanted to know.

///

Sometimes, Hunk could swear that there were two Shiro’s. Normally, he’d brush it off as just him being paranoid, but let’s face it, the Ship was weird enough for it.

The first time he’d been suspicious was after Shiro had ducked behind the counter during a short-lived alien invasion, instead of rushing in to defend their café. Not that Hunk had been in a position to judge, seeing as he was behind that same counter.

“You’re not gonna do your swish-swoo thing?” he asked, making swift motions with his arm, mimicking Shiro’s fighting style.

Shiro just stared blankly at him, shuddered, and shook his head.

Just a day later, Shiro had been the first to attack an alien who had been holding no less than six guns. He’d laughed it off, afterwards, even if Keith looked like he was about to have a heart attack.

That didn’t match up. It was weird.

Things like that kept happening, until finally, Hunk decided to just ask.

He asked Lance, of course. Not Shiro. He wasn’t quite brave enough for that.

Lance shrugged at him. “Do you really want to know?”

“Uh, yeah, that’s why I’m asking you.”

Hunk watched Lance sip on his pumpkin spice latte, and he sipped his own hot chocolate. He had sprinkled powdered sugar over it.

Lance eyed his drink, and grinned. “I’ll trade you a sip of mine for a sip of yours?” he offered.

Hunk could tell that Lance was avoiding his question, but humored him.

The next morning, he noticed that Shiro was acting off, more cowardly than usually. Weird. If it happened again, he’d have to see what was up with that.

///

Keith was quiet, most of the time, unless he needed to storm into a fight, sword blazing. But that sword was the weirdest thing about him, which was weird in itself, in this café.

Still, the sword was _plenty_ weird. It always seemed to appear out of nowhere, for one. Sure, Keith walked around with a knife all the time, but a knife was hardly a sword. Second, the sword _glowed_. What sword did that?

But aside from that, Keith was mostly normal, if a bit… out of place. He never quite seemed to jell with the restaurant, always looking weirdly misfit. It wasn’t just normal social awkwardness, it was as if he was fundamentally wrong. Like he wasn’t supposed to be here, like he was supposed to be walking through a castle door, asking angrily where his kidnapped princess/brother/whatever was, not spying on rude customers.

The glowing sword only helped to solidify Hunk’s fantasy novel protagonist theory.

Lance actually laughed when he told him. “Keith? Really?” he grinned. “I don’t think he’s cool enough for that.”

Hunk drank his coffee, letting the pumpkin-y taste wash over him, before changing the subject. It was too awkward to admit that he’d forgotten what Lance was laughing about.

///

Hunk tried to steal a chicken nugget from Pidge, once, only to be strangled by an unreasonably strong petunia.

“What was _that_ for?” he exclaimed, coughing.

“Do not take my food,” Pidge hissed. “It’s not safe.”

Hunk looked at her like she was crazy. “It’s a chicken nugget. Not the healthiest thing, but I won’t die from it or anything.”

Pidge shrugged. “Maybe not, but I’d rather not take chances.”

She took a bite from her nugget, and just for a second, Hunk swore her teeth were as sharp as a shark’s.

He brought it up to Lance. “You think she’s a fae, or something?”

Lance scoffed. “Please. Real fae food isn’t always deadly. It just has magical properties. If anything, she’s a fairy. They have diluted fae blood, which distorts things. But who knows,” he shrugged, “we’re all a bit weird here,” and he added some milk to the latte before shoving it Hunk’s way.

Hunk raised an eyebrow. “What’s your obsession with pumpkin spice?”

Lance looked surprised, and, weirdly enough, worried. “Dude, what are you talking about? I don’t drink pumpkin spice.”

“Sure,” Hunk said, and drank the latte.

The next morning, he tried to steal Pidge’s yoghurt, and was rewarded by being strangled with an unreasonably strong petunia.

“What was _that_ for?”

///

Hunk had been friends with Lance since he was a little kid, and he’d never noticed anything strange about him.

He hadn’t noticed how he’d stayed away from iron like the plague.

He hadn’t noticed how he’d talked to animals.

He hadn’t noticed how he couldn’t stand the taste of any food he didn’t bring or make himself.

He hadn’t noticed how he could sway everyone’s minds with mere words.

He hadn’t noticed how people of all genders fell for his charm, no matter how douche-y he acted.

He hadn’t noticed his need to touch everyone as much as possible.

He hadn’t noticed how he’d stayed away from school for days, only to come home dirty and exhausted, but grinning.

He certainly hadn’t noticed the kinks in his glamour.

Hunk didn’t notice any of these things, and if he did, well.

They were all a bit weird here.

He drank the pumpkin spice latte that Lance offered him, unaware of the fact that they had no pumpkin spice in the café, and that Starbucks didn’t sell it yet.

///

(Hunk had been to a festival, once. He had danced and laughed and he was fairly sure that Lance had saved him from going mad more than once, even though he’d probably broken at least fifty rules.

“How did I do?” he asked Lance, as they crawled their way home.

“Awful,” Lance grinned. “You’re lucky that they all owe me like, fifty thousand favours, or you’d have been eaten in two minutes.”

He laughed, but he didn’t know if Lance was joking or not.

“You want to do this again?” Lance asked.

Hunk hesitated. He’d had fun, but he didn’t want this, in the end.

“No,” he decided. “I want to have a normal life. We’re going through with the plan.”

Lance looked a bit sad, but he nodded.

The next day, he arrived with something that looked and smelled like coffee. Hunk raised an eyebrow.

Lance rolled his eyes. “Yes, I know it looks like coffee, but it’s magical coffee. I promise you won’t remember a thing.”

Hunk stared skeptically at him for a while, before taking the cup. He raised it like a toast. “To normal human-dom.”

“You can’t hide from your own abilities,” Lance pointed out.

“Yeah, yeah. To as close to normal human-dom as I can get, then.”

And before he could change his mind, he drank the poison.

It tasted like pumpkin spice, he noted, before he forgot why Lance was here.)

**Author's Note:**

> I just realized that I... kinda fucked up with this fic? It's too serious. 
> 
> Anyway, start from the top. This is actually one of my main OC universes, but I realized that with some minor tweaks it could also be a GREAT Voltron AU. But, well, that particular universe doesn't really have an ongoing story or plot. It's just a series of wacky hijinks set in the same universe. Only, I couldn't really do that if I wanted to write a proper one-shot, so I tried to find a plot and. It accidentally became somewhat serious? Whoops.
> 
> HOWEVER, I had an INSANE amount of fun writing this. I loved writing this so much. I loved it. It was great. And in the end, I do like this fic, even if I did pick the wrong tone to write in.
> 
> Some answers to questions that you probably have:
> 
> \- Allura and Coran are still Alteans, and their backstory is basically the same as in canon, only that when they woke up, the Galra were already defeated. So they chilled and opened a restaurant instead.
> 
> \- Shiro is a normal human who was captured by the Garrison (in this AU a Shady Government Research Facility) and experimented on. Now he's not so normal, what with the robot arm and secret clone.
> 
> \- Pidge is half-fairy on her dad's side, but due to her interest in technology most of her powers have waned. Hunk could probably eat her food without much problem, but she's cautious. (It's also the reason she still goes by Pidge instead of Katie: Names Have Power and she doesn't want to give up her real one.)
> 
> \- Keith really is the Chosen One and should most definitely be running around in his fantasy novel, searching for his Mysteriously Missing Dad and Mysterious-All-Around Mom. But he met Shiro in the forest while he was on the run from the government, and decided to go with him instead, because he decided that he liked the idea of a normal life better. So he and Hunk are actually pretty similar in this AU and should probably hang out more.
> 
> \- Lance is a Fae. I took some liberties with the traditional Fae myths, mostly bc I have no idea wtf I'm talking about, but the basic idea is the same. He is a changeling, but his parents figured that out fairly quickly, and now he mostly tries to balance his human life and his fae persona. He is fairly strong and pretty well-known amongst his peers, hence why he has enough sway to bail Hunk out when he's in trouble. He, unlike Hunk (and Pidge), actually likes being supernatural, and he's kind of sad that Hunk hates it so much, but he loves his friend enough to keep his mouth shut. (PS a commenter pointed this out originally, but their profile pic made me kind of uncomfortable and it kept bugging me, so I deleted the comment. If you're reading this, I'm sorry, thank you for commenting anyway!)
> 
> \- Lance's potion is fae food, and it has magical properties on Hunk (who is human), hence the amnesia. He only forgets magical things, but since he now works at a magical café, he now forgets almost everything. Almost, because really, it's pretty much impossible to set foot in The Altean Ship without noticing that something isn't right.
> 
> I'm actually really digging this AU and might write more later, without the whole Latte Conspiracy bullshit attatched to it. An AU of this AU, if you will.


End file.
